The Fellowship on Survivor p1

The Fellowship on Survivor

For the sake of the audience, here are your two teams.  This is written in a somewhat narrative/script format, just so you are aware.

Frodo-----------------------Sauron
Sam-------------------------Saruman
Pippin-----------------------Lurtz
Merry-----------------------Gollum
Gandalf---------------------Witchking
Boromir--------------------Balrog
Aragorn--------------------Barrowwright
Gimli-----------------------Cave Troll
Legolas---------------------Shagrat

Judge one (Judy): Greetings, and welcome to Survivor.  I suppose that you can call me your host. *Turns to assembled teams* In this contest, you are fighting for the chance to claim the One Ring.  The winning team will then be able to do whatever they want with it, whether it be taking over the world, or destroying it, the Ring I mean.  The clause in the contracts you signed stated that you agree that if you should gain the One Ring and use it to rule over the world you will *noise covers part of her words* destroy it lest the Ring be taken from you and you be cursed forever.  Now, you have already been assigned to your various teams and you will soon be taken to your relative campsites where you can begin to set up and get to know each other, but there are some things that must be covered first.

Sauron humphs and folds his armored arms to his chest.
Sauron: Rules.

Judy: *gives him a look* First off, those on the first team, the hobbits etc., are to be known as The Fellowship.  The other team will be known as The Bad Guys.  Now, during the course of the week, you will be performing tasks. Completing these tasks before the other team does gives your team points.  The team with the most points at the end of each week is granted Immunity and doesn’t have to vote off a member.  However, the team not granted immunity has to vote off a member who can no longer participate in this contest.  The last team left is declared winner, be it one or more person as long as they are all on the same team.  There will be no eating of each other and all bodily harm to each other will be kept at a minimum.  Rules are subject to change without notice.  Refunds are not negotiable.  Mind the small print.  Survivor does not claim any responsibility for casualty or injury sustained while participating in this program.  Any questions?

Lurtz growls.

Judy: Our trusted guides will now show you to your separate campsites.

Two humans lead the groups in different directions, showing them their campsites.

The Fellowship

Pippin:  I hope there will be food.  * He turns to Merry * There will be food won’t there?
Merry: I don’t know Pip.  This is Survivor after all.  You kind of have to survive off the land.
Pippin: You mean to tell me that I signed on for an adventure where there’s a chance we’ll starve?  Merry, you really shouldn’t let me do that!  It’s cruel.
Merry: Oh put a lid in it already.  We all know you’ve survived worse before.
Pippin: True, watching Denethor eat in front of me was pure torture.
Merry: Exactly, so just stay calm and we’ll work things out.  Aside from which I hear they have a kitchen somewhere on this island.
Pippin: really?

Frodo: I’m glad you’re here with me Sam.  Bilbo didn’t want to come.  I didn’t want to be completely alone, and those fool cousins of mine! * He grimaces * Especially that Pippin.  * To himself * I think I’m going to vote him off first thing.
Pippin: I heard that!!
Frodo:  I wasn’t talking to you Mr. Took!  I was talking to Sam.
Sam: There now Mr. Frodo.  He didn’t mean no harm, I’m sure. * Glares at Pippin. * Did you?
Pippin: Uh, no.  * Backs away from Sam who looks like he’s about to attack Pip. *  I’ll just go bug Merry again.
Sam: You do that.

Boromir: So, you’re Aragorn, son of Arathorn.
Aragorn: Yes that’s right.
Boromir: And that means you’re going to come and take over Gondor when this is over doesn’t it.
Aragorn: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Boromir: Look, you can’t fool me.  I know that you’re Isildor’s heir.  Don’t think that some innocent Ranger act will fool me.  I know you want the crown.
Aragorn:  Whatever, you heir of a Steward!  What a moron!  I’m voting him off first chance I get!  Aside from which, didn’t we already play this game?

Legolas: Gandalf how are you doing!  I thought you were still hanging out with that Bilbo guy.  I’ll never understand why you can hang around people shorter than you.  It must be really uncomfortable.  And they don’t have any sense of style about them!  I bet they can’t even shoot an arrow let alone put it to a bow properly!
Gandalf: Let us not judge the little people harshly, Legolas Greenleaf.  Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

Gimli: * mumbling * There is good stone here, but I doubt that those other ninnies will even have half the heart to appreciate it.  And where does that elf come off being so high and mighty?  You’d think he owned this place!  Although I do feel sorry for those little ones.  They’ll have the hardest time here I warrant.

They are shown to their campsite and look around with different perspectives.

Gimli: Yes, I could make a sizable cave here.
Hobbits:  There is a good place for a bit o’ garden and a good hole here.  This is nice.
Aragorn: Well, it’s better than the last place I slept.  At least there are trees.
Legolas:  Trees!  I wonder if I could make a flett here.
Gandalf: It will do.
Boromir: I wish there were a house, or a cabin at the least!


The Bad Guys

Sauron: Saruman, when this is all over, and I've won, I want you to build me an army so that I can squish the Middle Earth people into doing my will.  Think you can handle that?

Saruman: Of course, Sauron, Lord of the Earth.  What ever you would like.  Not in your wildest dreams, pimple.  I shall rule over all and you will be only a memory, a greasy spot on someone’s shield.
Sauron: Good.

Lurtz: My lord, how are we to win this contest?
Saruman: By being careful, and not letting others learn of our cheating methods.
Lurtz: Ah.  Is cheating allowed?

Gollum: * To himself * Yes, precious.  We shall have it again!  Nasty judge to take our precious away!  Get it back we will, oh yessssss!

Witchking: I do not trust the wizard * to Sauron * He means to cheat you.
Sauron: I have heard his thoughts, more than he thought.  He really shouldn’t keep that palantir in his cloak like that.  I can even read his wandering reflections.  He won’t be a threat.  Purple bunnies, honestly!

Balrog: I can’t believe they let Gandalf on that team!  He put out my flame last time we met.  Well, I’ll put his out this time!  And I won’t fall off a bridge to do it either!
Cave Troll: *drools*

Barrowwright: As long as we can cast spells over barrows and snare innocent bystanders, we’re happy. * Smiles evilly to itself *

Shagrat: I think that at the first possible chance, I will find someone to blame all of this on.  I thing that Wright should be the first to go.

They reach their campsite.

Sauron: Not as cozy as my own abode, but it will serve, once I've gotten the others to build it to my will.
Saruman: Perhaps I can manage to convince that Shagrat and Lurtz to make this hole a semblance of Orthanc, then how nice everything will be.
Lurtz:  Looks almost like home.
Shagrat: Ah!  Free air!  No walls.  I can come and go as I please.
Gollum: No! No water for fishes!  Nice fishes!  We wants them we does!  Nice holes to hide in though.  Nasty hobbits and enemies can’t get us here! No my precious.  Not here.

Barrowwright: Would be better if some king or royalty died here.  Nothing to really haunt!  But it will do.
Cave Troll: Drools, picks up a large log and sweeps it around, almost hitting the Witchking.
Witchking: Now he is the first to go.  I will take care of that personally.
Balrog: No chasms.  A good thing and I like that there are also no bridges. Oh, and a spit and pit for a fire, very nice.

The Fellowship

Pippin and Merry sit around a flat stone, playing cards that somehow Merry had smuggled onto the island.  They were playing Phase 10, using colored stones for bets.
Gimli came up behind Pippin and looked down with a backseat driver expression.

Gimli: I wouldn’t do that if I were you, young hobbit.  He could use that card.  Don’t discard it.
Pippin: Oh, thank you. * He looks up at the dwarf *
Merry hits Gimli on the knee: Don’t go looking at my cards!  You miserable little cheat!
Gimli: Cheat?  You have to be playing a real game to cheat.  You think this is a real game? * He spits on the ground * Let me show you how it’s really done.  * He pulls out a pack of poker cards * Now this is what I call a real game.
Pippin:  Where did you get those?
Gimli:  It doesn’t matter as long as I have them.  Now shall we play?

Gandalf glances over at the three playing cards and shakes his head.  He leans heavily on his staff as he sits on a rock, groaning slightly.  Aragorn walks over.

Aragorn: It has been a long time, Gandalf.  * He glances over at the poker players and shakes his head *  
Gandalf: Yes, Aragorn, a long time.  I only hope that one of us may survive this entire encounter and take the One Ring and try to destroy it again.  Only when that is done can we all rest.
Aragorn: and what if the Bad Guys win?  What then?  I cannot take it from them.   It would only start a greater war than what has already been fought over that small trifle that Sauron fancies.
Gandalf: Let us not think of that.  Let us hope that we will win, or at worst, one of the hobbits.  I’m rooting for Frodo if you must know.  He has a hidden courage just like Bilbo did.  That Took now, he would probably lose his head if it weren’t attached.

Boromir walks over to Gandalf and Aragorn.

Boromir: What’s this?  Plotting what you’ll do with the One Ring?  Would you have it destroyed if it came into your hands?  I don’t think that it will really come to that.  If anyone will claim it, it will be Gondor by the son of a Steward and not an old man or a has been who wishes he were King.
Gandalf:  We shall see.  Perhaps it will be neither of us who comes out on top.  Perhaps it will be one of the halflings or even the dwarf.

Boromir glances over at the threesome playing cards and shakes his head, a scowl on his face.

Boromir: If one of them is given the fate of Middle Earth, I’ll eat the Ring myself.  Surely you don’t think that any of them could handle such a task?
Gandalf:  Perhaps, perhaps not, but you are forgetting the others.  And it could be Legolas who survives.
Boromir: You don’t mean prissy little blonde do you? * He sneers * Didn’t you see how he talked to his arrows as if they were living things?  And what about checking his reflection in the water?  Do you want someone like that left to destroy the Ring?

Gandalf:  It is not for us to decide, but for fate.  If he is meant to have the Ring, then so be it, but I have my own plans, as do the others I’m sure.  Don’t forget Sauron in your calculations.  I’m sure he is up to some scheme even as we speak.
Boromir:  Humph

Legolas stands on a rock and peers out into the trees, choosing one for his flett.



The Bad Guys

Sauron sits on a throne he has had the Barrow Wright build for him.  He directs the construction of a stone tower while Saruman broods near by.

Sauron:  Yes, place that stone there, and make sure that the windows are merely slits so that no arrows may pass the walls.

A small army of orcs rushes to do his bidding.  Saruman comes up behind Sauron.

Saruman:  Where did all of those orcs come from?
Sauron:  Why ask questions to which you already know the answers?  I created them.
Saruman: Oh really?  And when did you find the time?
Sauron:  Do you remember when you went exploring on your own?  I happened to find a small book among your possessions with a spell for quick orc growing and I simply applied the spell and there they were.
Saruman: You stole my book!
Sauron: Sauron does not steal.  He merely takes back what is rightfully his.

Saruman fumes then walks away to talk to Lurtz.

Saruman: At this rate he will overcome us all and make us his slaves.
Lurtz:  Not with the Uruk Hai at your command.
Saruman: You didn’t.
Lurtz:  I did.
Saruman: Good.

Gollum, meanwhile, had explored around and had found a small hole under cover of an overhanging rock where he had taken the pains to haul bucket after bucket of water from a stream to make a pond, digging about to make it larger so that the others could not come upon him unexpectedly.

Gollum:  Yes, my precious.  Now they cannot gets us, no they cannot.  Now we can get our own fishes and catch them in our pond!  Yesssss!  Makes us strong!  Soon, we will have you back Precious.

The Barrow Wright had begun finding a good-sized hole in the crevices where he could hang out with all of his multiple personalities.

Barrow Wright: This is indeed nice, but it would be better with a few dead kings to keep us company.
Maybe we can kill the Witchking and add him to our barrow.
But he is already dead!
Not entirely, or we can always go after that dork Sauron.
Yes, in the dark, but the rules, no killing.  This will not be easy.

Cave Troll sits on the Witchking and drools.
Witchking:  Get off me fool!
Cave Troll: Drools
Witchking:  I said get off of me! * Zaps Cave Troll with his ring and stabs him with his Morgal blade but to no avail. *
Cave Troll sees Gollum and his pond and goes over to investigate.

Shagrat lurks around, spying on everyone while the Balrog roasts something on the spit.  Shagrat comes up to the Balrog.

Shagrat:  What are you doing?
Balrog: Roasting a pony.
Shagrat:  Where did you get it?
Balrog: Found it.
Shagrat:  Come on, tell me where you really got it.
Balrog: You remember the horses we saw when we first came here?  The one Judge Judy was riding?
Shagrat: You didn’t.
Balrog: I did.
Shagrat: Can I have some?


The Fellowship

Boromir:  Where’s Frodo?
Merry: Hey!  That’s my line!
Pippin: Your wine?
Merry: No!  My line!
Pippin: Wine?
Merry: * yelling * LINE!
Pippin: Are you offering me wine Merry?  If so, I’d like a twist of lime in mine.
Merry: Oh, you’re hopeless!
Boromir: And this has what to do with Frodo and Sam both missing?
Aragorn: You’re right.  They are missing.  And I think that Legolas has wandered off too.
Gandalf: No, Legolas is trying to carry two boards up that tree over there.
Aragorn: Oh.
Gimli:  I hope he drops them.
Merry, Pip, Boromir, Gandalf, and Aragorn (all together): Gimli!
Gimli: What?  Just wishful thinking.

Aragorn, Boromir, and Gandalf begin to search for the two missing hobbits who happen to be on the other side of the campsite with a telescope.

Frodo:  Do you see anything?
Sam: Nothing.
Frodo: You sure?
Sam: Yes, no wait!  It was another Ringwraith!
Frodo: Sam, are you sure?  We’re not in the Shire anymore.
Sam: Oh, wait, it’s just one of the judges putting on a cloak.
Frodo looks relieved.
Sam: Wait, did you see that?
Frodo: No, what?
Sam gets up and starts to run.  
Sam: It’s Farmer Maggot!  Those two must have been in his crops before coming over here!

Farmer Maggot runs into the campsite, brandishing his garden rake.  He spots Merry and Pippin who have both pulled carrots out of their pockets and are munching while playing poker, without Gimli.

Merry:  Gimli was right.  This is a real game.
Pippin: Very good game * munches loudly *
Merry: Can’t you munch any quieter?  What if Farmer Maggot hears it somehow?
Pippin, looking up: I think it’s a bit late for that!
Both hobbits gulp then run, leaving their cards and colored stones on the rock.

Farmer Maggot: I’ll get you for trespassing on my fields!  Come back here!
All three run off into the wild.

Meanwhile, Gandalf, Aragorn, and Boromir continue to look for Frodo and Sam.  Legolas watches them from his tree and laughs.  He can see everyone in the Fellowship from his perch.  He laughs so hard that he drops one of his boards, which lands just in front of the running Sam.  Sam stops abruptly and Frodo runs into him, causing both to fall down the small hill that the tree stood on.  They roll head over heel to the bottom.

Sam: That was close.
He looks down and then grins.
Frodo: What are you grinning about?
Sam points down.  There is a small patch of mushrooms at their feet.
Frodo: Mushrooms!  Bless you Sam!

Both get down on hands and knees and start to pull up the mushrooms.

Sam: Do you think we should share with everyone else?  I don’t think the others deserve it.
Frodo: I think we’d better if we don’t want to get kicked off first thing.  Everyone needs to contribute.
Sam: Right.  So, who do you think should be voted off first?
Frodo: Well, I don’t know.  I’d have to say it would be either Pippin or Boromir.  There’s something about Boromir that I really don’t like.
Sam:  You’re right.  Let’s make sure he’s the first to go.
Frodo: Agreed.

Night falls and each camp prepares their evening meals.  The Fellowship is having mushrooms while the Bad Guys are having roasted pony, Judge Judy’s pony that is.  At least we think it is.  With them you never know.  Each team looks forward to tomorrow and the actual start of the contest.  Everyone dreamed of what the first task would be.

Pippin: An eating contest!  I know I’ll win!
Merry: A battle of wits!  Me and Gandalf will take it all.
Legolas: Target shooting with bow and arrow.  I’m sure to take it.
Gimli: Ax throwing or hewing stone.  I’m the only expert here.
Aragorn: Hmmm, maybe a fencing match?
Gandalf: if only I’d brought more fireworks!
Boromir: Stewardship.  I’ll for sure beat Aragorn at that.
Sam: I don’t care what it is as long as Frodo and I both go to the next round.
Frodo: Why is everyone thinking so loudly!  I just want some peace and quiet to write this all down for Bilbo!

Sauron: Whatever happens, I will win because I win everything.
Shagrat: Maybe they’ll make us eat worms.  Nummy.
Witchking: horse riding.  Too bad that pony is all gone.  Could have used it for practice.
Lurtz: Maybe I can sneak in and sabotage the Fellowship’s try at what ever it is.
Saruman: Perhaps I can use my magic to find out what the task will be and then find out how to beat Gandalf and Sauron both!
Barrow Wright: Anything involving swords and dead kings would be nice.
Gollum: Anything to get our Precious back!  Anything!  We will see.  Yes my precious.
Balrog: Maybe I can win by setting everyone else on fire.
Cave Troll: Drools.